There has been such positivity in the air lately and I love it. I've been witnessing and experiencing such nice acts and words.
I had a rough first week of January but after that, positivity seemed to be all around. I had friends texting me to check on me, awesome words of encouragement on facebook and instagram, I was the recipient of a random act of kindness, and people have just been genuinely nice and uplifting.
I think the least I can do is keep the cycle going and pass it on which is exactly what I've been trying to do.
Not only have I been the recipient, but I've noticed others leaving inspirational or encouraging messages to others, too. I'm not sure what's going on. I don't think I've made any changes in the people I've been around/see on social media other than the obvious switch of coming back to school. Maybe everyone just had a resolution to be nicer and more forthcoming with their happy thoughts. Whatever the case, I hope it keeps up :-)
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Perspective
I was in an odd funk for about a week. I'm not really sure what sparked it, but it wasn't pretty.
I wasn't in the mood to talk but I felt lonely. I didn't want to do schoolwork. I was constantly thinking mean thoughts about myself and everyone around me.
Maybe it was the time change. Or the drop in temperature. But regardless, it was no good.
Things just aren't as easy here at Penn State as they have been for me in the past. Everything is more expensive. It's not convenient to get to campus. You rely on a bus schedule and you need to have exactly $1.50. But it's not easy to get quarters in this town because there are no actual banks, just ATMs. Each store will only give you $3.00 in quarters at a time.
The laundry is more expensive (and that requires more damn quarters!)
I have no friends in my PhD cohort... they are all married and some of them just get on my nerves. That's not really an insult, though- I'm quite sure I get on some of their nerves, too.
I'm not within walking distance of anything.
I couldn't afford a gym membership this semester so I've been working out at home. That gets old, quickly.
Group projects suck.
I spend too much wasted time standing in the cold waiting on busses
The point is that things just aren't as easy here as they were at VT.
All of this was exacerbated by seeing pictures and hearing about my friends having fun back home.
I was warned about this. I remember my Master's advisor telling me that I needed to be really excited about where I was going for my PhD because I was going to question my decision when I got there. He said I'd be stressed and it would be unfamiliar and I would wonder about whether I should have gone somewhere else or if I should even be in grad school. He was right.
Anyway, I'd been making rude side comments to people, not speaking in class, and being cranky to my friends.
I decided I needed to snap out of it.
I'm a firm believer that we create our own happiness. So I needed to do just that.
I am absolutely lucky to be here. I get to go to school at the top Media Effects school in the country. I get to work with several of the top researchers in my field. I have an incredible support system. And while I don't have a ton of friends, the friends I do have are awesome. Yeah, I miss out on a lot of the fun my friends at home are having but no accomplishment comes without sacrifice.
I apologized to some people for being a negative nancy and a fun sponge. Not only did people deserve apologies but it also helps me stick to new, more positive attitude.
My schedule is super flexible and I get to work while wearing pajamas most days. That is fantastic.
My apartment is adorable.
So while I'm taking longer to adjust to my new school than I would have liked, I am extremely lucky.
I do not want to take this time for granted :-)
I wasn't in the mood to talk but I felt lonely. I didn't want to do schoolwork. I was constantly thinking mean thoughts about myself and everyone around me.
Maybe it was the time change. Or the drop in temperature. But regardless, it was no good.
Things just aren't as easy here at Penn State as they have been for me in the past. Everything is more expensive. It's not convenient to get to campus. You rely on a bus schedule and you need to have exactly $1.50. But it's not easy to get quarters in this town because there are no actual banks, just ATMs. Each store will only give you $3.00 in quarters at a time.
The laundry is more expensive (and that requires more damn quarters!)
I have no friends in my PhD cohort... they are all married and some of them just get on my nerves. That's not really an insult, though- I'm quite sure I get on some of their nerves, too.
I'm not within walking distance of anything.
I couldn't afford a gym membership this semester so I've been working out at home. That gets old, quickly.
Group projects suck.
I spend too much wasted time standing in the cold waiting on busses
The point is that things just aren't as easy here as they were at VT.
All of this was exacerbated by seeing pictures and hearing about my friends having fun back home.
I was warned about this. I remember my Master's advisor telling me that I needed to be really excited about where I was going for my PhD because I was going to question my decision when I got there. He said I'd be stressed and it would be unfamiliar and I would wonder about whether I should have gone somewhere else or if I should even be in grad school. He was right.
Anyway, I'd been making rude side comments to people, not speaking in class, and being cranky to my friends.
I decided I needed to snap out of it.
I'm a firm believer that we create our own happiness. So I needed to do just that.
I am absolutely lucky to be here. I get to go to school at the top Media Effects school in the country. I get to work with several of the top researchers in my field. I have an incredible support system. And while I don't have a ton of friends, the friends I do have are awesome. Yeah, I miss out on a lot of the fun my friends at home are having but no accomplishment comes without sacrifice.
I apologized to some people for being a negative nancy and a fun sponge. Not only did people deserve apologies but it also helps me stick to new, more positive attitude.
My schedule is super flexible and I get to work while wearing pajamas most days. That is fantastic.
My apartment is adorable.
So while I'm taking longer to adjust to my new school than I would have liked, I am extremely lucky.
I do not want to take this time for granted :-)
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Back for now!
What a long way I've come since I last blogged. In a good way! I'm happier in school, I'm thinner, in better shape, and have a clearer vision for the future. How nice.
I'm not sure what's given me the urge to start this thing back up again. I actually just read in Fitness magazine that having a diary-like thing (which is pretty much how I've used this blog) isn't really healthy because it keeps you focused on negative things rather than 'releasing' frustrations as many think keeping a diary does. I digress.
Last year at this time I was wrapping up my first year of grad school and now I'm in the final stretch of my Masters. Yikes. I'm heading to Penn State in the Fall to pursue my PhD in Mass Comm. But not before I spend a summer in good old Canton, Ohio. I'm actually really excited about that (which I never thought I'd say). I get to hang out with my friends and my parents living pretty carefree for a few months before I start my next big adventure. There are some downsides, though. I don't have my own room at home anymore which means I'll be sharing with my mom. That means closet space and dressers, too! Yikes! Also, I don't have a job lined up just yet so it might be tight living for awhile. I've got some money saved up that I want to use at Ikea for new furniture. And I'll get paid from PSU staring in August... I really just need "going out" money for the summer. Sooo that's in the works.
Also different from last year is that I'm so much healthier. I really try to eat clean the majority of the time and I'm at the gym 5-7 days a week. It's not easy and I fight 100 little wars every day with myself regarding food and exercise, but it's been worth it so far. I'm in the best shape I've ever been and I'm almost completely happy with my body. I lose motivation and get really frustrated most when I think about how other people are naturally thin and don't have to work out or ever think about what they eat. Seriously, they do NOTHING and still look better than me! I think I get so upset because my time is spread thin as it is, and I have to work to create working out time. And I spend a lot of money on fresh, organic food. I know there are other benefits to all of this aside from being thin and fit so I do try to focus on those. I am absolutely grateful for the energy I have because of my work. I just need to remind myself that harping on how easy some others have it in that department is not going to help me reach my goals.
There are other exciting things going on but I will save them for other posts! (Upcoming trips, weddings, etc!)
Until next time :-)
I'm not sure what's given me the urge to start this thing back up again. I actually just read in Fitness magazine that having a diary-like thing (which is pretty much how I've used this blog) isn't really healthy because it keeps you focused on negative things rather than 'releasing' frustrations as many think keeping a diary does. I digress.
Last year at this time I was wrapping up my first year of grad school and now I'm in the final stretch of my Masters. Yikes. I'm heading to Penn State in the Fall to pursue my PhD in Mass Comm. But not before I spend a summer in good old Canton, Ohio. I'm actually really excited about that (which I never thought I'd say). I get to hang out with my friends and my parents living pretty carefree for a few months before I start my next big adventure. There are some downsides, though. I don't have my own room at home anymore which means I'll be sharing with my mom. That means closet space and dressers, too! Yikes! Also, I don't have a job lined up just yet so it might be tight living for awhile. I've got some money saved up that I want to use at Ikea for new furniture. And I'll get paid from PSU staring in August... I really just need "going out" money for the summer. Sooo that's in the works.
Also different from last year is that I'm so much healthier. I really try to eat clean the majority of the time and I'm at the gym 5-7 days a week. It's not easy and I fight 100 little wars every day with myself regarding food and exercise, but it's been worth it so far. I'm in the best shape I've ever been and I'm almost completely happy with my body. I lose motivation and get really frustrated most when I think about how other people are naturally thin and don't have to work out or ever think about what they eat. Seriously, they do NOTHING and still look better than me! I think I get so upset because my time is spread thin as it is, and I have to work to create working out time. And I spend a lot of money on fresh, organic food. I know there are other benefits to all of this aside from being thin and fit so I do try to focus on those. I am absolutely grateful for the energy I have because of my work. I just need to remind myself that harping on how easy some others have it in that department is not going to help me reach my goals.
There are other exciting things going on but I will save them for other posts! (Upcoming trips, weddings, etc!)
Until next time :-)
Friday, June 22, 2012
Ho Hum
So I'm going home (Canton) for 9 days starting next week. I'm excited because I love being home and eating good food and just hanging out with my parents. And of course I love seeing old friends too. Whenever I go home, the time always FLIES. super fast. I never get to see everyone I want or do everything I planned. Which really just means I was busy the whole time doing fun things which is great. But this leads me to my one gripe:
//begin rant// I live 5 hours away. I imagine that it's understandable that I'd like to spend a significant amount of time with my family when I do get the chance to see them. However, some of my friends think it is my responsibility to make sure that I travel to see them when I am in the area. Now, I am not a hot commodity when I go home. I really don't have that many friends. But I always find myself frustrated that I am the one that is supposed to travel to see friends when I'm home. I just drove 5 hours!!! How about YOU drive a little to visit? Friendships are 50/50 and it's not their problem that I moved far away- I get that. But don't be surprised if I don't work around your schedule to drive and see you during the couple hours you might be free.. because I'm probably sick of driving :-) //end rant//
In other news, I ate myself to death yesterday and am now 5 hours in on the "no carbs for erica for 5 days" plan. It's not as serious as it sounds. I don't care about carbs in fruit and whatnot. I'm just not eating bread, potatoes, rice, etc.
I was leaving the grocery store this morning and there was entire grocery cart of Kroger brand vitamin water with a big "FREE" sign on it?!?!! I just stared at it for awhile. I've never seen such a thing. I took some and was waiting to be approached by a camera crew and a police officer as I walked out but nothing happened. I realized later that the "best by:" date was today... but I mean it's 0 calorie, 0 sugar vitamin water... how bad could it possibly be after today? Answer: not bad at all. *score*
The only other things going on in my world are researching and coding. I abhor coding. I'd rather do just about anything. I'm sure it's mostly mental. But I really can't seem to get over it.
I also read a lot. The Happiness Project and Fifty Shades of Grey are the books of choice right now. But I can never really enjoy doing anything fun because I know I should be coding/researching/studying. That feeling never, ever goes away. Thank you, grad school.
That's all for now- I'll try to be in a better mood next time :-)
//begin rant// I live 5 hours away. I imagine that it's understandable that I'd like to spend a significant amount of time with my family when I do get the chance to see them. However, some of my friends think it is my responsibility to make sure that I travel to see them when I am in the area. Now, I am not a hot commodity when I go home. I really don't have that many friends. But I always find myself frustrated that I am the one that is supposed to travel to see friends when I'm home. I just drove 5 hours!!! How about YOU drive a little to visit? Friendships are 50/50 and it's not their problem that I moved far away- I get that. But don't be surprised if I don't work around your schedule to drive and see you during the couple hours you might be free.. because I'm probably sick of driving :-) //end rant//
In other news, I ate myself to death yesterday and am now 5 hours in on the "no carbs for erica for 5 days" plan. It's not as serious as it sounds. I don't care about carbs in fruit and whatnot. I'm just not eating bread, potatoes, rice, etc.
I was leaving the grocery store this morning and there was entire grocery cart of Kroger brand vitamin water with a big "FREE" sign on it?!?!! I just stared at it for awhile. I've never seen such a thing. I took some and was waiting to be approached by a camera crew and a police officer as I walked out but nothing happened. I realized later that the "best by:" date was today... but I mean it's 0 calorie, 0 sugar vitamin water... how bad could it possibly be after today? Answer: not bad at all. *score*
The only other things going on in my world are researching and coding. I abhor coding. I'd rather do just about anything. I'm sure it's mostly mental. But I really can't seem to get over it.
I also read a lot. The Happiness Project and Fifty Shades of Grey are the books of choice right now. But I can never really enjoy doing anything fun because I know I should be coding/researching/studying. That feeling never, ever goes away. Thank you, grad school.
That's all for now- I'll try to be in a better mood next time :-)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Thoughts?
I rarely think in coherent sentences so I'm not going to make a special effort to write in them either.
Vegas
Vegas was of course, amazing. There is just so much to do and see there but never enough time. We went in the middle of the week so there wasn't a huge young crowd. We also stayed at Mandalay Bay though which isn't a "young people" hotel. We had plenty of fun regardless, though. We ziplined across old Las Vegas which was way cool. I'm terrified of flying but I was all about flying across the sky via wire above concrete?
When Toni and I got separated at LAX, she had left the club to find a different bathroom. When she came back, she fell at the entrance. Granted, she was wearing the biggest heels in the world. The bouncer told her she couldn't go back in because she was drunk. She asked him why he took his job so seriously and called him a douchebad. The lesson to learned here? You can't do that if you want back in the club. That was our last night at LAX.
(that would be telling them to kiss mine)
Weight loss
Since my biggest, I've lost about 17 lbs. Great. Awesome. Love it. I still want to lose about 8 more but I'm sick of trying. It's not that I'm in this terrible rut.. I'm still counting calories and working out twice a day. But I'm sick of counting calories. And you know what? I'm not completely dissatisfied with my body. I'd like to be a little smaller but I'm honestly not sure I'd be able to keep it off if I lost it anyway. What's not helpful is the fact that Virginia has the prettiest/thinnest girls of anywhere I've ever seen. Most people look like models around here and I'm not exaggerating. Unfortunately, I was born extremely short and with big bones so it takes a lot for me to even be chubby, let alone thin. Ironically, I have so many friends that are naturally thin without ever working out. Do you know how many hours of my life I could get back if I never had to work out?!?! Thousands! Not that there aren't other benefits. I'm stronger than most of my friends and it feels great to work out. But there will always be a twinge of bitterness.
Kids
Kids are funny. Or children rather. I believe kids are actually goats, yes? I've been babysitting twin 7 year olds this week. While playing in the pool they say things like "We're in the tunnel of doom (pool) and it's flooding! We've got to ride our monsters (noodles) to get away!!" I wish I was that age again. It seems fun. And they're completely oblivious to talking too much. Seriously, 7 year olds talk nonstop for hours. These twins are sweet and fun but even so, they reinforce my not wanting to have children :-)
Parents
They're the best. Seriously. They're my best friends and when I'm home I usually opt to hang out with them rather than go out with my high school friends. I just don't see them often so when I do, I just want to spend as much time as I can with them. They always crack me up and I can talk to them about anything. Though it seems I can talk to them about school less and less. The further you get into your "niche," the fewer people actually care about what you study. They do care- but broadly. Plus, I think they're sick of hearing about the stress of getting into PhD school already because it seems as if we just did this (we did) for my Master's. Heck, I'm sick of thinking about it and I haven't even started applying. But I digress. My mom and Rick are the most supportive parents I could ever ask for and I'm lucky to call them my friends.
Vegas
Vegas was of course, amazing. There is just so much to do and see there but never enough time. We went in the middle of the week so there wasn't a huge young crowd. We also stayed at Mandalay Bay though which isn't a "young people" hotel. We had plenty of fun regardless, though. We ziplined across old Las Vegas which was way cool. I'm terrified of flying but I was all about flying across the sky via wire above concrete?
When Toni and I got separated at LAX, she had left the club to find a different bathroom. When she came back, she fell at the entrance. Granted, she was wearing the biggest heels in the world. The bouncer told her she couldn't go back in because she was drunk. She asked him why he took his job so seriously and called him a douchebad. The lesson to learned here? You can't do that if you want back in the club. That was our last night at LAX.
Weight loss
Since my biggest, I've lost about 17 lbs. Great. Awesome. Love it. I still want to lose about 8 more but I'm sick of trying. It's not that I'm in this terrible rut.. I'm still counting calories and working out twice a day. But I'm sick of counting calories. And you know what? I'm not completely dissatisfied with my body. I'd like to be a little smaller but I'm honestly not sure I'd be able to keep it off if I lost it anyway. What's not helpful is the fact that Virginia has the prettiest/thinnest girls of anywhere I've ever seen. Most people look like models around here and I'm not exaggerating. Unfortunately, I was born extremely short and with big bones so it takes a lot for me to even be chubby, let alone thin. Ironically, I have so many friends that are naturally thin without ever working out. Do you know how many hours of my life I could get back if I never had to work out?!?! Thousands! Not that there aren't other benefits. I'm stronger than most of my friends and it feels great to work out. But there will always be a twinge of bitterness.
Kids
Kids are funny. Or children rather. I believe kids are actually goats, yes? I've been babysitting twin 7 year olds this week. While playing in the pool they say things like "We're in the tunnel of doom (pool) and it's flooding! We've got to ride our monsters (noodles) to get away!!" I wish I was that age again. It seems fun. And they're completely oblivious to talking too much. Seriously, 7 year olds talk nonstop for hours. These twins are sweet and fun but even so, they reinforce my not wanting to have children :-)
Parents
They're the best. Seriously. They're my best friends and when I'm home I usually opt to hang out with them rather than go out with my high school friends. I just don't see them often so when I do, I just want to spend as much time as I can with them. They always crack me up and I can talk to them about anything. Though it seems I can talk to them about school less and less. The further you get into your "niche," the fewer people actually care about what you study. They do care- but broadly. Plus, I think they're sick of hearing about the stress of getting into PhD school already because it seems as if we just did this (we did) for my Master's. Heck, I'm sick of thinking about it and I haven't even started applying. But I digress. My mom and Rick are the most supportive parents I could ever ask for and I'm lucky to call them my friends.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Now what?
I'm constantly having existential crises during school. Not a day goes by that I don't ask myself what the hell I'm doing here. Not in a bad way. It's more that I'm still shocked at the workload associated with this program. Apparently taking 12 hours and teaching 2 class sections is uncommon in grad programs. Well no shit because it's impossible. But alas, I made it. 5 out of 9 of made it through the first year. Cheers!
No but seriously, Cheers. I've had wine every night since freedom.
But now my problem is what the heck to do with my freedom. Every summer I keep track of how many books I read and I'm proud to say I've already completed the first: Hunger Games. I didn't want to read it. I put it off for a long time because it's technically "young adult." But I gave in and I'm so happy I did. I finished it in 3 days and I'm on to the next. I have quite a bit of research to do this summer so if I do what I'm supposed to do, my book list won't be as long as it usually is. But I rarely do what I'm supposed to do.
In unrelated news, I leave for Vegas in a week! It still seems so far away.. but that doesn't mean I haven't bought more dresses for the trip than we have says there. Vegas is the only place you can get away with wearing outrageous things. So I plan to take full advantage.
My summer schedule has been dull. Wake up, run, breakfast, clean, read, lunch, store, work out, shower, nap, tv/read and wine until bed. It's been ugly so I haven't been to the pool in days (Shame!) I actually don't like not being busy. I feel so lazy. I can't help but take these 1-2 hour naps. There is plenty to be doing. I need to study for the GRE, code ads for Matt's thesis, code articles for a paper, start writing a conference proposal/paper, start school applications, and I need to be getting a huge start on my thesis lit review. But... I guess I'm just basking in the freedom for now. I just can't let myself get too far away from work-mode.
Even that is annoying. Sometimes I hate that there is nothing more to my life than school. I literally have nothing else to talk about because for nine months, I can't afford to even think about anything other than school.
Let's see, there's got to be some other aspect of me. Ummm. Hm. I could go for some pizza? Well, there it is. My excruciatingly boring life. Don't get me wrong though. I wouldn't have it any other way :-)
No but seriously, Cheers. I've had wine every night since freedom.
But now my problem is what the heck to do with my freedom. Every summer I keep track of how many books I read and I'm proud to say I've already completed the first: Hunger Games. I didn't want to read it. I put it off for a long time because it's technically "young adult." But I gave in and I'm so happy I did. I finished it in 3 days and I'm on to the next. I have quite a bit of research to do this summer so if I do what I'm supposed to do, my book list won't be as long as it usually is. But I rarely do what I'm supposed to do.
In unrelated news, I leave for Vegas in a week! It still seems so far away.. but that doesn't mean I haven't bought more dresses for the trip than we have says there. Vegas is the only place you can get away with wearing outrageous things. So I plan to take full advantage.
My summer schedule has been dull. Wake up, run, breakfast, clean, read, lunch, store, work out, shower, nap, tv/read and wine until bed. It's been ugly so I haven't been to the pool in days (Shame!) I actually don't like not being busy. I feel so lazy. I can't help but take these 1-2 hour naps. There is plenty to be doing. I need to study for the GRE, code ads for Matt's thesis, code articles for a paper, start writing a conference proposal/paper, start school applications, and I need to be getting a huge start on my thesis lit review. But... I guess I'm just basking in the freedom for now. I just can't let myself get too far away from work-mode.
Even that is annoying. Sometimes I hate that there is nothing more to my life than school. I literally have nothing else to talk about because for nine months, I can't afford to even think about anything other than school.
Let's see, there's got to be some other aspect of me. Ummm. Hm. I could go for some pizza? Well, there it is. My excruciatingly boring life. Don't get me wrong though. I wouldn't have it any other way :-)
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