Perspective

I was in an odd funk for about a week. I'm not really sure what sparked it, but it wasn't pretty.
I wasn't in the mood to talk but I felt lonely. I didn't want to do schoolwork. I was constantly thinking mean thoughts about myself and everyone around me.

Maybe it was the time change. Or the drop in temperature. But regardless, it was no good.

Things just aren't as easy here at Penn State as they have been for me in the past. Everything is more expensive. It's not convenient to get to campus. You rely on a bus schedule and you need to have exactly $1.50. But it's not easy to get quarters in this town because there are no actual banks, just ATMs. Each store will only give you $3.00 in quarters at a time.
The laundry is more expensive (and that requires more damn quarters!)
I have no friends in my PhD cohort... they are all married and some of them just get on my nerves. That's not really an insult, though- I'm quite sure I get on some of their nerves, too.
I'm not within walking distance of anything.
I couldn't afford a gym membership this semester so I've been working out at home. That gets old, quickly.
Group projects suck.
I spend too much wasted time standing in the cold waiting on busses

The point is that things just aren't as easy here as they were at VT.


All of this was exacerbated by seeing pictures and hearing about my friends having fun back home.

I was warned about this. I remember my Master's advisor telling me that I needed to be really excited about where I was going for my PhD because I was going to question my decision when I got there. He said I'd be stressed and it would be unfamiliar and I would wonder about whether I should have gone somewhere else or if I should even be in grad school. He was right.

Anyway, I'd been making rude side comments to people, not speaking in class, and being cranky to my friends.
I decided I needed to snap out of it.
I'm a firm believer that we create our own happiness. So I needed to do just that.

I am absolutely lucky to be here. I get to go to school at the top Media Effects school in the country. I get to work with several of the top researchers in my field. I have an incredible support system. And while I don't have a ton of friends, the friends I do have are awesome. Yeah, I miss out on a lot of the fun my friends at home are having but no accomplishment comes without sacrifice.
I apologized to some people for being a negative nancy and a fun sponge. Not only did people deserve apologies but it also helps me stick to new, more positive attitude.
My schedule is super flexible and I get to work while wearing pajamas most days. That is fantastic.
My apartment is adorable.

So while I'm taking longer to adjust to my new school than I would have liked, I am extremely lucky.
I do not want to take this time for granted :-)

Back for now!

What a long way I've come since I last blogged. In a good way! I'm happier in school, I'm thinner, in better shape, and have a clearer vision for the future. How nice.

I'm not sure what's given me the urge to start this thing back up again. I actually just read in Fitness magazine that having a diary-like thing (which is pretty much how I've used this blog) isn't really healthy because it keeps you focused on negative things rather than 'releasing' frustrations as many think keeping a diary does. I digress.

Last year at this time I was wrapping up my first year of grad school and now I'm in the final stretch of my Masters. Yikes. I'm heading to Penn State in the Fall to pursue my PhD in Mass Comm. But not before I spend a summer in good old Canton, Ohio. I'm actually really excited about that (which I never thought I'd say). I get to hang out with my friends and my parents living pretty carefree for a few months before I start my next big adventure. There are some downsides, though. I don't have my own room at home anymore which means I'll be sharing with my mom. That means closet space and dressers, too! Yikes! Also, I don't have a job lined up just yet so it might be tight living for awhile. I've got some money saved up that I want to use at Ikea for new furniture. And I'll get paid from PSU staring in August... I really just need "going out" money for the summer. Sooo that's in the works.

Also different from last year is that I'm so much healthier. I really try to eat clean the majority of the time and I'm at the gym 5-7 days a week. It's not easy and I fight 100 little wars every day with myself regarding food and exercise, but it's been worth it so far. I'm in the best shape I've ever been and I'm almost completely happy with my body. I lose motivation and get really frustrated most when I think about how other people are naturally thin and don't have to work out or ever think about what they eat. Seriously, they do NOTHING and still look better than me! I think I get so upset because my time is spread thin as it is, and I have to work to create working out time. And I spend a lot of money on fresh, organic food. I know there are other benefits to all of this aside from being thin and fit so I do try to focus on those. I am absolutely grateful for the energy I have because of my work. I just need to remind myself that harping on how easy some others have it in that department is not going to help me reach my goals.

There are other exciting things going on but I will save them for other posts! (Upcoming trips, weddings, etc!)

Until next time :-)

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