I was in an odd funk for about a week. I'm not really sure what sparked it, but it wasn't pretty.
I wasn't in the mood to talk but I felt lonely. I didn't want to do schoolwork. I was constantly thinking mean thoughts about myself and everyone around me.
Maybe it was the time change. Or the drop in temperature. But regardless, it was no good.
Things just aren't as easy here at Penn State as they have been for me in the past. Everything is more expensive. It's not convenient to get to campus. You rely on a bus schedule and you need to have exactly $1.50. But it's not easy to get quarters in this town because there are no actual banks, just ATMs. Each store will only give you $3.00 in quarters at a time.
The laundry is more expensive (and that requires more damn quarters!)
I have no friends in my PhD cohort... they are all married and some of them just get on my nerves. That's not really an insult, though- I'm quite sure I get on some of their nerves, too.
I'm not within walking distance of anything.
I couldn't afford a gym membership this semester so I've been working out at home. That gets old, quickly.
Group projects suck.
I spend too much wasted time standing in the cold waiting on busses
The point is that things just aren't as easy here as they were at VT.
All of this was exacerbated by seeing pictures and hearing about my friends having fun back home.
I was warned about this. I remember my Master's advisor telling me that I needed to be really excited about where I was going for my PhD because I was going to question my decision when I got there. He said I'd be stressed and it would be unfamiliar and I would wonder about whether I should have gone somewhere else or if I should even be in grad school. He was right.
Anyway, I'd been making rude side comments to people, not speaking in class, and being cranky to my friends.
I decided I needed to snap out of it.
I'm a firm believer that we create our own happiness. So I needed to do just that.
I am absolutely lucky to be here. I get to go to school at the top Media Effects school in the country. I get to work with several of the top researchers in my field. I have an incredible support system. And while I don't have a ton of friends, the friends I do have are awesome. Yeah, I miss out on a lot of the fun my friends at home are having but no accomplishment comes without sacrifice.
I apologized to some people for being a negative nancy and a fun sponge. Not only did people deserve apologies but it also helps me stick to new, more positive attitude.
My schedule is super flexible and I get to work while wearing pajamas most days. That is fantastic.
My apartment is adorable.
So while I'm taking longer to adjust to my new school than I would have liked, I am extremely lucky.
I do not want to take this time for granted :-)
